Why I Write:
The Story Behind the Story
"Writing makes me feel more relevant as a human being-to connect my one drop of contribution to the entire ocean of humanity in the world..."
Why do you write?
In the beginning of my story, there was poetry.
When I first came to the United States as a young child, I enjoyed practicing the English language through combining my love of words with my love of music, writing ‘song lyrics’ to melodies I’d made up in my head. I would later read these ‘lyrics’ as being able to stand on their own as ‘poems’- often in rhyme. Growing up, poetry has simply felt like the more artistically-satisfying and creative outlet for me to record my daily thoughts and struggles when compared to mere journal-keeping.
Did your love for writing grow from there?
Definitely. I was an only child with a very vivid imagination. I used to pretend I was being interviewed on the radio about a book series I’d written! I’ve always been a pondering wonderer, preferring to reflect on my thoughts alone rather than feel lost in noisy crowds. Writing has always felt like home to me.
When did you decide to write a novel?
It all began in Stavanger, Norway, after getting married. Like the female lead in the novel, I too had to cope with relocating to a foreign country, grappling with solitude, and becoming a bored housewife. The city was beautiful, but the slower pace of life—so different from NYC—was tough to adapt to. I later realized that I had always idealized a marriage or live-in relationship to be more "romantic adventures" than domestic docility.
I didn’t want to fall into depression, and I knew I needed to feel productive to maintain my self-esteem. That’s when I decided to finally pursue my lifelong dream of writing a novel. I started from a place of comfort: semi-autobiographical elements, symbolic moments from my life, and stories from people around me.
Why romantic suspense?
I grew up learning English by reading mystery books—Nancy Drew and other mysteries from my local library. Later, I read Agatha Christie, Camilla Läckberg, and authors like Elif Shafak and Paulo Coelho who tackle global and cultural themes. I’ve always been drawn to mystery and meaning.
Tell us about your writing process.
I’m definitely not the wake-up-at-6am-and-write-for-an-hour kind. I grapple with attention problems, and, with increased responsibilities around the house also suddenly thrown at me-my writing process was equally sporadic.
I knew the characters I wanted to write before I even knew where the story would take me once I began writing- so, I respected them. I let them speak to me rather than try to exert my control over them too much. If I didn’t ‘feel them’ begging to be written into existence on a particular day, I didn’t force it. On other days, I’d be so overwhelmed with ‘sudden bursts’ of motivation to get back to writing, that I even shocked myself. I could go for days without writing a single page, and then one day I’d write 20 pages! And these pages were rarely in chronological order. I found that I’d write the beginning of the story for a couple of pages, and then, all of a sudden, I would feel the pull of the character somehow speaking to me from the end of the story.
I decided I had to give myself some sense of order and structure to keep the book flowing, and divided up the story into 10 ‘chapters’, where some of the ‘in-between’ chapters would simply be blank with (…) dots for months. I had the beginning of the story- I knew I’d always wanted to start with an anonymous murder and then delve into the backstory of my main characters, and I did. Eventually, as I’d already ‘heard’ from the characters and their respective endings, the ‘10’ chapters grew to over ‘20’ chapters over time, and the in-between chapters had to then become more controlled in order for possible loopholes in the story to be corrected- so as not to annoy readers- as well as to add several dramatic peaks so as to never bore the reader (or even myself).
How long did it take for you to complete your first novel?
About 7 to 8 years, in total. I was a military wife in Norway and the novel took a halt at various points due to relocating, my pregnancy, my husband’s unjust political detainment in Turkey, and my moving back to my childhood home in NYC to adjust to a new life with my parents and my toddler daughter- in that order. I also knew I had to make ends meet, and so took on a lot of classes teaching international students.
Did you ever consider giving up on the novel?
I felt so much stress in my life at one point in 2019 that I decided to release my emotions in poetry- I felt such a variety of them that I’d even considered at one point to turn my novel into a shorter novella, and publish my variety of shorter poems instead. A chance meeting with a family acquaintance who’d just published her own novel, however, led to her suggesting her publisher to me- and my long-ignored novel reeled me back in, begging to be born into the world already.
After all of the struggles I went through raising my daughter, I felt like maybe everything had happened so that I could finally release it when I was more ready to- at the ‘right’ time. It wasn’t easy- and the story had to be edited and re-edited about 3 times before it could be published (and later re-published with new covers befitting a trilogy). This was also during a rough time at that, with the peak of COVID-19.
And now the books are out in the world. How does that feel?
Surreal. After so many edits, life hurdles, and even a pandemic, I still believe so deeply in this multi-faceted story. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. I know somehow this cumulation of my hard-work will reach the right hands at the right time and ‘catalyze’ whoever it needs to.
Final question—what does writing mean to you?
Writing makes me feel more relevant as a human being- to connect my one drop of contribution to the entire ocean of humanity in the world. I believe that writing make us all legendary, with our works residing on earth long after we're gone- hopefully inspiring future generations as well.